A Few Episodes From My Wonder Years on Panther Street

I used to live here. A long time ago. We lived in the farthest unit back in the nearest building on the right. The one right behind the tree. I got the picture from a streetview google search. It was base housing on K.I. Sawyer AFB, located in the upper peninsula of Michigan, very close to a town called Gwinn and just south of Marquette. The base closed in ’95.

When I look at the picture it reminds me of a concentration camp. Which, is exactly the way that I remember it looking 40 years ago.

In the bottom middle of the picture, where the two sidewalks intersect, was my bus stop. It was my bus stop from the 6th grade through half of my 8th grade year. That was when we moved. It was early 1971.

When we first moved there I was in the middle of my 4th grade year and it was – if I have calculated correctly – 1966. Both of my parents were still alive and I hadn’t reached puberty yet. Puberty would come 2 years later. That was when I attended Gwinn Middle School – grades 6 thu 8 – and was the only kid in my gym class to have started it. I was the gym class oddity. It was awkward and I hated it.

*OMG, Davy Jones died*

Anyway, right there by the fire hydrant in the middle of the picture; well, that’s where I whacked David Treece in the head with a golf club. He had to get 5 stitches. It was a putter. He was standing right behind me and I swung it like it was a wood or an iron. I didn’t really know that much about golf because I was just some creepy little kid who was kinda clueless when it came to sports. 
 I wonder where David is now? I wonder if he still he still has the scar and if he does, I wonder if her remembers how he got it? 

A year later I joined little league and even though I totally sucked, I did become slightly more agile and knowledgeable about sports. The team that I was on, The Panthers, which by coindence was also the name of the street I lived on, came in second place that year. I got a trophy. It’s in a landfill somewhere.

The lone window, on the side of the building that is on the right, has some significance. I was staring out of that window exactly at midnight on New Year’s Eve, when 1969 became 1970. My parents had gone out for the evening and even though I was 12 years old, this is where my sister and I were being babysat. The babysitter wasn’t actually there. She was across the street with her boyfriend. There were five kids in that house and I was the oldest. So, I guess that technically I was in charge while the babysitter was across the street hanging out with her boyfriend.
Anyway, exactly at midnight I opened up that window and screamed, “Happy New Year”!

In the first unit of the building that is on the left and in the back is where the Barker family lived. There were 3 kids. Joe, Donny and an older sister whose name I don’t remember. I hated those kids. With a passion. Their mother was my cub scout leader when I was in Webelos.
Joe was the worst. He was a big time bully. During the winter he would through snowballs, and on occasion ice balls at me while we were waiting for the bus at the bus stop that I pointed out earlier. He was also the inventor of an incredible inane version of tag know as ‘dog doo tag’. He still owes me about 5 bucks for all of the lunch tickets that he swiped from me. I kind of hope that bitch is rotting in prison somewhere. 
Donny was a bully too, but he was a few years older than me and pretty much left me alone. The older sister whose name I can’t remember got totally plastered one time and walked through the neighborhood making an absolute spectacle out of herself. She was 16. I don’t think I’ll bother with wondering where they all are right now.

A lot more stuff happened to me while we lived there, but I guess I’ll talk about that later. I’m kind of over this for now. Plus, Davy Jones just died so I have to go look at all of the weepy fangirl posts on Tumblr.

Prelinger Archives is My Friend

Nick Carter, Master Detective

Prelinger Archives is the best. Where else can you listen to old time radio shows? Nick Carter, Private Detective is one of my favorites. Some of my peeps don’t understand why I like old stuff like that. Seriously, they have no imagination. I made sure that I put a lot of them on cd. You never know when stuff is going to magically disappear off of the internet. I put most of my faith in things that are tangible. To me, the internet is still some kind of magical dreamland where one day you could wake up and stuff would be *POOF* gone.

Another old time radio show that I like is Broadway is My Beat . Broadway Is My Beat was a CBS radio crime drama series which ran from 1949 to 1954. The show originated in New York for the first 12 episodes, which was then moved to Hollywood. The story revolved around a hardened New York City policeman who worked the homicide devision.

Broadway is sleeping now…the furious avenues of the night are still…only the sleepwalkers are there…the seekers, the sodden…it’s Broadway. The gaudiest. The most violent. The lonliest mile in the world. Broadway…my beat!

Hmmm…It kind of makes me want to live there.


February 29th is a Weird, Creepy Day That Freaks Me Out

Today is Feb. 29. That’s always been a strange day for me. It’s kind of like some weird time warp day. I keep thinking that it’s really supposed to be March 1 and that I’m stuck in some bizarre non-existant day. Most people call it Leap Day, but I have come to call it Langolier Day (The Langoliers is the first story in the Four Past Midnight book by Steven King. It was made into a 2 part movie in ’95).

The Langoliers are these hairy pac-man-like monsters with razor sharp teeth that eat up the past. If you somehow get stuck in that stagnant past, via some kind of time rip, then you will eventually get eaten by the Langoliers. It’s all very creepy. In the tv movie the Langoliers ate Bronson Pinchot, who played Balki on Perfect Strangers

Anyway, this day gives me a very uneasy, dystopic feeling. The fact that we are currently under a tornado watch doesn’t in the least bit help quell my feeling of uneasiness. It adds to it. I’m sure that it’s all just my imagination. But, when you think about it, tornadoes are kind of like Langoliers. They eat up everything in their path. And, if there is the potential for them to happen on what I consider to be a fake made-up day, then that just makes it that more uber-creepy.

Before I called Feb. 29th Langolier Day I called it Twilight Zone day. I mean, if any kind of weird Twilight Zone shit is going to happen, then it’s going to happen on that day.

My grandmother Lois (I’m related to the infamous outlaws The Dalton Gang because of her), my mom’s mother, died on the exact same day as Anna Nicole Smith. That’s not the weird part. It’s just a reference point. I suppose that everybody dies on the same day as at least one famous person. No, the weird part is that there is no year of death on her tombstone. It just says:

Lois Wilson

That’s it. No year of death. Like she’s a zombie or something; or one of those Poltergeist people stuck in the tv. I keep thinking that the cemetery people are going to eventually fix it. So far they haven’t. If I ever bring it up during some rare family gathering they just look at me and shrug their shoulders. Like it’s not a big deal. The last time I was at Bayou Meto Cemetery I was tempted to pick up a rock and carve it in there myself. But, I didn’t do it. I figured that I would either get arrested or, like Amy Irving in Carrie, have some zombie arm suddenly come out of the ground and grab me. Shudder.

One time I took a picture of her tombstone and uploaded it to my computer. I tried to find it, but somehow it has mysteriously disappeared.

Anyway, if Lois is going to make any kind of spectral appearance, it’s going to be today.

I'm related to one of these guys. I'm not sure which one because...well, they're dead and it's kind of hard to tell which one I look like.

Years that are evenly divisible by 100 do not contain a leap day, with the exception of years that are evenly divisible by 400, which do contain a leap day; thus 1900 did not contain a leap day while 2000 did.
That’s right. Make the day that much more confusing.

MeTV You Are Pissing Me Off. Please Fix Your Damn Station!

Yeah, ummmm, it's kind of hard to watch you when you are nothing but a black screen. duh.

This MeTV is really irritating the crap out of me. I like it because they show a lot of the old tv shows that I really like. The ones from my era. You know, like from way back. But, the station is so ghetto. A lot of times at night it just completely goes off the air. I get into bed, all ready to watch Perry Mason and….nothing. Black screen. Sometimes it last for an hour and sometimes longer. It never happens during the day when some of the more lame-ass shows are on. No! It only happens at night when good shit like The Twilight Zone, Perry Mason and The Untouchables are on.

I know that it sounds superficial, especially when there is a lot of really important crap that actually matters going on in the world, but it still pisses me the hell off. Bitches, fix your stupid station! If you’re going to get all jacked up, do it when that fucking Family Affair or Petticoat Junction is on.

This is how I envision them trying to fix their station when shit gets fucked up.

Work, damn it! WORK!