Telling People That You Like a Justin Bieber Song is Worse Than Telling Them That You Have the Plague

Whenver I tell people that I like that song Baby by Justin Bieber I usually get one of 3 reactions:

this
or this

But mostly, it’s this one ——————————————————>>>>

OMG! I can’t believe that you like Justin Bieber.

And then I become all defensive.

Look bitches, I didn’t say that I like Justin Bieber. I SAID that I like that SONG. It’s not like I have his pictures plastered all over my bedroom walls…because I don’t. It’s not like I’m one of his 18,134,456 Twitter followers…because I’m not (he totally sucks at using the correct subjunctive mood when tweeting). And it’s certainly not like I have him as one of my liked facebook pages…because I don’t.

No, I just like that song.

The chorus hook is catchy. It’s like pop song crack. Also, the word ‘baby’ is used about a gazillion times. I mean, it’s pretty much the only word in the song. If you want a song to be successful put the word ‘baby’ in the title and use it in the song as much as possible.

It worked for The Ronettes.

So won’t you, please, BE MY BE MY BABY
be my little. baby MY ONE AND ONLY BABY
Say you’ll be my darlin’, BE MY BE MY BABY
be my baby now. MY ONE AND ONLY BABY
Wha-oh-oh-oh.

It worked for James Brown

Hey, hey, honey ow
Ooh, hey, ow, got the feelin` all right
Baby baby baby, baby baby baby
Baby baby baby, baby baby

And it worked for Mac Davis

Baby, baby don’t get hooked on me.
Baby, baby don’t get hooked on me.
‘Cause I’ll just use you then I’ll set you free.
Baby, baby don’t get hooked on me.

When you think about it, the b sound is the most soothing of phonemes. It’s usually the first sound out of a baby’s mouth.

ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba

Well, that and the g sound… which is probably why songs with the word ‘girl’
or Lady GaGa are so popular.

Liking ‘Baby’ by Justin Bieber does not preclude me from having good musical taste.

It really doesn’t. I’ve studied music theory. I aced my Music Literature final which included a ‘drop the needle’ Gregorian Chant section. I can play the polyrhythmic 5 against 4 pattern on both the drums and the piano. I even have John Cage’s autograph. So, I think that I can like

Baby, baby, baby oooh
Like baby, baby, baby nooo
Like baby, baby, baby oooh
I thought you’d always be mine (mine)

without receiving so much grief.

P.S. If I actually liked Justin Bieber don’t you think I would have included his picture in this post instead of those of Dr. Smith, John Cheever and some random guy that popped up when I googled ‘guy laughing’?

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3 thoughts on “Telling People That You Like a Justin Bieber Song is Worse Than Telling Them That You Have the Plague

      1. For the sake of the World… I hope you’re telling the truth. P.S Good work, keep it up!

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