Party City is in Flames!!!!

Because of my households Television Trade Agreement, I have to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race.

The Television Trade Agreement is an oral contract. Party A watches Party B’s show if Party B watches Party A’s show. There are 2 clauses in the argreement.

  1. Shows about real housewives or zombies are not a watching option. They are taboo. (This is why I have to record “The Walking Dead” and watch it in private).
  2. You are allowed one fast forward if you are having to watch a recorded show that you really don’t care for. The fast-forward ends at the end of the next commercial break (So you’d better make sure that you think REALLY hard about which American Idol contestant that you are going to fast-forward through).

So, because of the agreement I have to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race. If you’ve never seen it, well… it’s kind of like America’s Next Top Model, only the contestants are drag queens and it’s a lot more dysfunctional.

It’s not that I have anything against drag queens. I don’t. Back in the late 70s to mid 80s I was a big time clubber. I was in the bars every night. I went to drag shows. I hung out with drag queens. Drag queens cut my hair.

So, I guess you could say that I’m just kind of ‘over it’.

 There are two queens on the show who fight quite a lot. Phi Phi O’Hara and Sharon Needles. I like Sharon the best. Phi Phi O’Hara is, I think, a snotty bitch. Anyway, one time they got into a fight and Phi Phi told Sharon to “Go back to Party City, bitch”! They always show that clip in the intro when they are recapping the show. Even though it happened like 4 weeks ago, they keep showing it in the intro.

“Go back to Party City, bitch”! has become the catch phrase around here. We say it all the time. We yell it at characters on other tv shows. The killer on CSI gets caught. We yell:

Go back to Party City, Bitch!

It has become a road rage epithet. Someone cuts you off?

Go back to Party City, Bitch!

The dog down the street keeps barking?

Go back to Party City, Bitch!
That one is actally quite literal.

Go back to Party City, Bitch! was rapidly on its way to replacing “You are the weakest link, goodbye”! as this household’s most cliched catchphrase. I’m afraid, however, that we may have to retire it. There are actual stores called Party City, and yesterday the one down the street burned down. It was a big story on the local news. Flames and black smoke everywhere. It’s kind of ironic in a way. It all reminds me of an old joke.

“Did you hear about the floral shop that burned down”?

“No, what happened”?

“It was started by a flaming homosexual”!

Party City is not a floral shop. They sell party supplies. But you get the idea. It all kind of relates somehow.

Anyway, I think that we’re going to have to put “Go back to Party City, Bitch”! on the back burner for a while. Sorry! Bad choice of words.

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