Mavis Beacon Teaches Bob-oon To Type

I tried to think of something specific to blog about, but everytime an idea popped into my head I was like…

Nope, already did it.
Nope, already did it.
Nope, already did it.

Finally I gave up. “Dude”, I said to myself, “just type whatever It’s mostly typing practice anyway”.

 I didn’t learn how to type until last year. Up until then I was Mr. Hunt and Peck. I would see my sister and all of these other people typing a gazillion words a minute and I got jealous.

Dang! They don’t even have to look down at the keyboard.

So, I went out and bought this thing called Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. At first I got really frustrated. I’m one of those people who wants to know how to do everything RIGHT NOW. When I was in high school and in college, I played the drums. I NEVER practiced, but always made first chair. Sometimes I still kind of have that mentality. So, Mavis Beacon and her stupid typing class really irked me.

Every 5 minutes I would hear, “Remember to keep a light touch on the keyboard”. And I would be like, “Mavis Beacon kiss my ass”.

Every once in a while she would chime in with “You’re really doing well”! And I would be like, “LIAR! You’re just a programmed computer response who provides encouragement to people who suck so that they won’t end up being QUITTERS”.

After a while I began to think that maybe the old adage WAS true. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. Maybe I had accidently bought Mavis Beacon Teaches Stereotyping and she was proving her point.

You’re old and you suck. Stop now. You are wasting your time. You’ll NEVER be able to discern the difference between the K and the L keys. You will forever be confused on which finger/hand to use to type the number 6. You will never be able to type the word becuase. You will always type it becuase. You will forever be pwned.

In addition to learning how to type so that I would feel less like the most antiquated of decemnovenarians –  because my typing skills were commensurate with that of a baboon (see above photo) – I also wanted to feel less like an incompetant nincompoop whenever I took the yearly online Jeopardy test. That’s coming up on March 28th by the way. The adult version that is. If you sign up at their website then you can take it too. The very first time that I ever took it was when the Jeopardy Brain Bus came around. I don’t know if they still do that or not. I think that it just might be the online test now. At any rate, you have to know how to type. That hunt and peck crap doesn’t work. You only have 15 seconds to answer each of the 50 questions, and half of that time is spent reading the dang thing.

I’m up to about 60 or so words a minute now. I guess that’s okay. Mavis says it is. Anyway, when I do take the test I hope they have a bunch of literature questions. Thanks to Mavis I think that I’ve typed the first paragraphs to just about every novel ever written. That should help.


6 thoughts on “Mavis Beacon Teaches Bob-oon To Type

  1. I bought a program years ago in which a friendly little ghost tried to teach me how to type. It didn’t work. I still use two fingers. Like playing a hand-held version of whack-a-mole.

  2. I’m sure hoping Mavis Bacon is not real, because that is one great made up name! I’m not even going to Google it. I want it to be fictional. I want to use it. “Next stop, Willoughby, where you will be greeted by and served breakfast by Mavis Bacon, the town librarian and award winning pie baker.” All joy today! HF

    1. I sure hope I didn’t do a typo in the post because it’s Beacon, not Bacon. Although, I do like Mavis Bacon better. I think she’s real. There’s a picture of her on the box. She’s fairly attractive.

      So, I guess that Mavis Bacon is still up for grabs.

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