Why is there blood on my keyboard?

So, in addition to all of the other crap that I do, I also have a part-time job at a famous retail outlet that specializes in IMPORTS that apparently come from a PIER. Only, it’s not really part-time because I usually get asked to work on my days off. Technically, I am considered a store associate, but in reality, I’m the store bitch (because I’m the only guy and I’m supposed to know how to do everything that guys are stereotypically supposed to know how to do).

Currently, we are do a transition from Summer to Fall. The transition process usually happens on the weekend after the store closes. So far, everytime that I’ve been scheduled for the transition, I have worked 4 to 5 hours past my scheduled time with, at the most, one ten minute break.

Last night, my shift started at 7. I was supposed to work until midnight. At 5 am I was still there. The people who had come in at midnight were already gone.

My first task of the evening was disassembling and reassembling shelfs on the wall for the imported carpets and rugs. The same carpets and rugs that end up on the floor and block the aisles 5 minutes after the store is opened in the morning (People don’t like to put shit back on the shelf after they have looked at it). The diagram for the wall of shelves showed 9 shelves. We only had six of that size in the store. I was instructed that the wall was supposed to look EXACTLY as it did in the diagram. I guess that I was supposed to pull 3 additional shelves out of my ass. Normally, that task (with the CORRECT number of shelves) takes about an hour. Fifteen minutes after I started, I was asked if I was finished yet (No, I’m still trying to find those 3 shelves in my ass). Eventually I was told, “Okay, I guess were just going to have to go with that”.

Next, I was supposed to climb on a ladder and hang a bunch of lanterns and cutesy owls from the ceiling. I should have used the 7 rung ladder, but little Sally Sue, or whatever her name is, was using it to climb one rung to put crap on a shelf in the candle department. So, I used the 5 rung ladder and needed every rung (even though the employee safety manual says to never climb past the 3rd rung on the 5 rung ladder). After I hung all of the lanterns and cutesy owls to the satisfaction of manager B, manager A comes along and says that they all need to be moved. So, I had to precariously climb the ladder, unhook everything, and redo it.

My next task was putting together an all-purpose end table. Before I even got it out of the box, manager B was was asking, “How’s that table coming? Are you almost finished’?

My next task was going into the cage, and finding small, medium and large pedestals to store all of the new stuff. The cage is it the back of the stockroom and partially outside. There is no light in the cage. There’s also a bunch of crap in there and it’s almost impossible to move around. Most of the stuff I needed was WAY in the back, in the bowels of hell. Getting through the maze of the cage is kind of like getting through on of those torture rooms designed by the creepy puppet guy in the SAW movies. When I was finally able to find an item I needed, it would usually fall apart the second I tried to drag it through the maze of the cage. Three hours later, when I was finally able to drag everything out of there that was needed, my hands felt like they had gone through a meat grinder. In the daylight, I’m sure that there will be certain areas in the back of the cage that look like a CSI Crime Scene, because of the bloody handprints left behind on broken shelves and boards with exposed screws (that I couldn’t see because, like I said, it’s dark in there).

After my time in the cage, I had about 8 other tasks involving ladders too short, boards, shelfs, moving heavy crap, etc. I won’t go into them because my time is limited. After 2 hours of sleep (which would have been 3 if I hadn’t done this post – call me a masochist), I have to go in and unload a truck with about 20 feet worth of new merchandise. I then have to unbox everything and put it away. It’s my day off. LIke I said, I’m the store bitch.


13 thoughts on “Why is there blood on my keyboard?

    1. Yeah, and then someone goes and asks if I posted the Final Jeopardy yet. Like I had time to do that bullshit. Obviously they didn’t read the part about me going in to UNLOAD THE FUCKING TRUCK!!!! Oh well. Sometimes I think that I should just stop posting them. It’s actually a pain in the ass. I do get a bunch of hits on it, but sometimes I don’t think it’s worth it. Sometimes people complain about the question or the answer, like it’s my fault. More complaints than not. Most of them I just put in the trash because they’re so idiotic.

      1. On the Arkansas River, there is a big rock and a little rock that were used as location markers years ago. They finally decided to name the city La Petite Roche, which is, I think French, for Little Rock. Anyway, over the years the water has eroded the rocks and the little rock is really small now. They have a marker by it so you know where it is.

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